Victory Over Bitterness
In my counseling experience, I have seen many people get stuck in situations of anger and resentment. I came across this article by Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. and the following is a summary. You may find the original article at Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201501/don-t-let-your-anger-mature-bitterness
Don’t Let Your Anger “Mature” Into Bitterness, by Leon F Seltzer Ph.D.
“Bitterness is unforgiveness fermented.” (Gregory Popcak)
The Cause of Bitterness
All bitterness starts out as a hurt. Your emotional pain may well be related to being victimized. Someone has wronged you and caused you grieve. Anger and resentment readily came along. When left to fermentation, anger eventually becomes the corrosive ulcer that is bitterness. Stephen Diamond, Ph.D. defines bitterness as “a chronic and pervasive state of smoldering resentment,” and deservedly regards it as “one of the most destructive and toxic of human emotions.”
The Cost of Bitterness
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Prolong your mental and emotional pain
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Lead to long-lasting anxiety and/or depression
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Precipitate vengeful acts
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Prevent you from experiencing the potential joys of living fully in the present
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Create, or further deepen, an attitude of distrust and cynicism
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Interfere with your cultivating healthy, satisfying relationships
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Compromise or weaken your higher ideals
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Rob you of vital energy
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Undermine your physical health by taxing (or “overloading”) your immune system
Bitterness puts the focus on the person who wronged you. Yet you don’t have any control over the other person. You do have power over yourself. By redirecting your focus inwards is precisely how you go about empowering yourself, to reprieve the entrapment of bitterness.
The Cure of Bitterness
James J. Messina has developed a five-step plan:
(1) Identify the source of your bitterness and what this person did to evoke your resentful feelings;
(2) Develop a new way of looking at your past, present, and future—including how resentment has negatively affected your life and how letting go of it can improve your future;
(3) Write a letter to this person, describing [their] offenses toward you, then forgive and let go of them (but don’t send the letter);
(4) Visualize your better future having neutralized the negative impact of resentment; and
(5) If bitter, resentful feelings remain, return to Step 1 and begin again
Conclusion with quotes:
The Showers of Blessings 
Wisdom to strive to live by xx
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Yes, we try one day at a time! 🙂
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Thank you for this post. Good reminders and something we all deal with.
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You’re welcome. You’re right, something we deal with frequently. Sometimes it’s in a small scale, but…
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Oh MIRIAM! I am so touched by this post. Thank you, thank you for contributing it for Forgiving Fridays. I’ll include it in my update on Friday.
I so appreciate the value in acknowledging the upset inside of ourselves, getting it out, and letting go. I was just sharing with someone about how when we forgive, it’s really to set ourselves free – no matter what they do or don’t do. Reminds me of the Hafiz quote, “I once asked a bird, ‘How do you fly in this gravity of darkness?’ She responded, ‘Love lifts me’. ” Blessings to you Miriam,
I love you — Debbie ❤
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Thank you, Debbie! I got quite a few responses from this post. When we forgive, it benefits ourselves more so than the offenders! Thank you for including my post. Love, Miriam
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Great advice that is not always easy to follow given our human-ness. But we must try.
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It’s easier for me to say it now. But I had my moments years ago….!
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Love these quotes! 💖
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So do I! Good reminders!
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Great post! 🙂 it reminds me of a quote I once heard: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” I don’t know who said it, but there’s truth in that. I have a really hard time letting things go, even though I know I must, but I don’t want to drink poison!
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It’s very true. I even had bad wish for my ex, but God is good, he handles everything!
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Amen, God is good! 😀 ♥
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Yes and yes. He is good to the end! 🙂
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😊 ❤
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♥*♥*♥
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Good post. Life is too sweet to grow bitter. There is always someone or something to love.
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It’s so true! Thank you for reading!
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I like to be humorously bitter about things, I make a joke, have a rant,, or a combination of the two, I can then let it go, & get on with things again. 75% of what I say is tongue in cheek, I guess we all have our own little ways in which we cope. I am decidedly strange, in every way possible, I get told I’m funny – I don’t probe as to what the person means, haha or gaga, I would say a bit of each – but more gaga.
Thanks for another thought provoking post.
I managed to do a very quick one, it here if you want to look, it is only short as now – bed time! https://beauniquebeautyqueen.wordpress.com/2017/05/09/quickie/comment-page-1/#comment-76
Thanks for sharing, always love your work x
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I think whatever works for you is perfectly hine! Thank you for sharing!
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I have had this happen to me with a certain someone and to this day haven’t been good at letting it go. It was years ago and I haven’t been ablt to get past it. This post offers great insight and I will be trying to change the way I feel, thank you!
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Yes, according to research, you’re doing it for yourself not the other person. Especially the “letter” technique is what our department does regularly. Hope you feel better!
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I do, I have been trying to deal with that for years and that post cleared my head up quite a bit! 😀
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I’m glad! I have been using the steps to do counseling, couldn’t put my finger on who developed it. I’m glad I found the author!
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I love this post! :o) I’ve wasted too much time on people who’ve hurt me. Time to free myself from the bitterness!
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Yes, our bitterness doesn’t change the other person, it only consumes our health. To let go is to do a favor to us!
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This a very important message which I really needed to see , and understand . You have brought out all the points which lead to bitterness , what happens to us when we are consumed by it , and how we can let go of it so that we aren’t consumed by that toxin….thankyou so much
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You’re welcome! Thank you for reading! Yes, after layers and layers of anger, we need time to follow the steps for our own healing.
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These are very helpful steps. Thank you very much for this post.
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In facet, these are the steps we use in our department most of the time. Thank you for your comment!
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Our motto is not to take anything personal. Forget and forgive is the best though it is easier said than done. Our own remedy for that is to sit back and meditate to clear all our thoughts.
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Good to hear that!
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Excellent post 💙
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Thank you for reading!
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How do you personally deal with bitterness, I think everyone at sometime or another has had to deal with it
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If I feel bitter, it hurt me more than hurting that person. That person may still be laughing at me. Why should I entertain him with my bitterness. I’m a Christian. I believe that whatever that person did, will eventually reap his results. God is good, and let me see it happened in my lifetime after 20 years!
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I needed to see this today. Thanks for sharing.
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You’re welcome! Take care of yourself!
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You too!
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Yes, I will. Thank you!
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